Explaination vs Privacy

Sometimes I get really annoyed that I don’t get the chance to explain myself. Then I realize that it was my choice not to. Sometimes explaining yourself requires telling someone something personal & I choose not to. Because it’s good to keep your life private around people who gossip. Sometimes it will mean that you will be misunderstood but I’ve learned that:

1) People don’t care anyways. They’re just curious.
2) People will make assumptions about you, whether accurate or not, to make themselves feel better. People hate admitting that they’re wrong because it damages their ego, so they hold onto that assumption as tight as they can.
3) People will pick on anything and there’s no need to explain yourself to people who are already set on misunderstanding you. People will make assumptions, draw conclusions and convince themselves regardless. You don’t need to convince anyone.

 When I was in my teens, my life was public, on display for the world to see. It was because I was in the ‘gossiping scene’. There’s a sense of fulfillment that comes with having a private life and I realized that after I started dating David. Our relationship couldn’t be more private. Even if I talk about it now, there was too much in our relationship that we kept to ourselves for anybody to ever understand or know enough to draw accurate assumptions. I loved that about us. That if we wanted to, we could make it so public but we chose not to. And for two people like him and I who had a name in the clubbing/partying scene to get together and have a private relationship wasn’t really what the world expected. The fact that two people who was known for their “party-scene life” came together and settled pretty much shocked everyone. People thought it was a joke or prank. I remember some guy came up to David and said “you’re jaz dsaster’s boyfriend” in a ‘I can’t believe she has a boyfriend’ tone and David got pissed off, ha. Likewise, people were shocked that David had a girlfriend. David wouldn’t let me near his phone and he reset it to erase all the bullshit so I couldn’t see. And by bullshit, I mean all the girls that he was playing before we got official. He then deactivated facebook, probably for at least a year. He said “facebook ruin relationships”. I never asked him to do any of these things. He did it on his own terms. Part of having a private relationship meant that nobody knew our business. Nobody knew when we were fighting, and that gave us a better chance at working things out because it was just between us two. A relationship should be between two people, not the whole world. At the end of the day, I would choose privacy over explanation if it involved a gossiping scene. If it was between me and my bestfriend or close friends, that would be a different story. 

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About jaz

Life and whatnot. Intoxicated with expectation.
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