The move

As I packed my necessities to move to the city, I felt a sudden dwell of emotion that caught me off-guard. It was the pain of leaving behind my precious pets. In some sense, I was abandoning them. The thought of not being in their lives held me still. My heart was in one place but my life was in another. It’s interesting how certain small moments connect you directly back to other moments of your life. The packing and the car ride was such a deja-vu of times I’ve left before. It then reminded me of the times I’ve been to the airport.

It makes me wonder how I’m going to handle traveling, working and having a life overseas which is a part of my future plans. It makes me wonder how many times must I revisit ‘the pain of leaving.’ I started questioning whether I had attachment issues and if so, how were I to address them? With the things I wanted to experience in life, will I need to detach myself from pets, people and places, and to what extent? Will I need to have a detached mentality or was it okay to hold onto a few things? How much of my time would I invest in each of the things that is going on in my life? The answer is, as much as I want. I get to choose. There’s no right or wrong answer. But each answer will have a portion of one more so than the other. It was a trade-off. I couldn’t have all of both, but I get to choose how much of each I wanted. I need to make a decision and have the courage to let go. I had to travel light, as Robert Furguson would say. Funny enough, he also said we should stop letting our dogs or cats interfere with our destiny. Here’s another thing. It also comes down to trust. Trust that what you leave behind will be okay without you. Trust that God has you in mind. Obviously if the situation is not ideal, then don’t leave. But if it happens so, that you lose what you leave, know that God would not take anything from you that you still needed.

I could hear sadness in my parent’s voice as they see me leaving, again. This time it wasn’t because anything was wrong at home. It was purely for work. For the first time, I didn’t want to leave home. Home was ideal. Home was where everything and everyone was. I think it’s amazing that I could associate home with such positive feelings. But we all knew that moving to the city was the best situation for me in terms of work, uni, other curricular and non-curricular activities. It was a chance to be positive, to be independent, to change my mindset, to change my life. It was a chance to be who I am, to embrace that to the fullest.


About jaz

Life and whatnot. Intoxicated with expectation.
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